My little boy is turning one tomorrow! The past two weeks have been filled with planning, shopping, making, building, and designing for his camping themed birthday party. And he probably won’t remember any of it. But Chris and I have been having a lot of fun working on the party together!
My first baby turning one has got me thinking about how fast and sometimes how slow time can seem to go by. When I was in third grade and waiting for the lunch bell to ring, time seemed to almost freeze. When I was fifteen and waiting to get my drivers license, a few months seemed like an eternity. When I was in college and dreaming about getting married one day, waiting to meet my husband-to-be seemed like it would never come. Our almost five month engagement nearly broke my patience meter. I don’t have to explain to moms how nine months of pregnancy tests your patience (especially that last month!)
When Matthias was first born, I was totally in the moment and loved caring for a squishy, tiny newborn baby. It only took a few weeks for me to complain to my husband that I couldn’t wait until he could roll around and giggle and play. When he started smiling and batting at toys, I once again confessed that I couldn’t wait until he could crawl around and I could chase him around the house. Now that he is all over the place, I catch myself thinking that I can’t wait until he will sit still and read a book or watch a show so I can stop worrying about what he might be getting into while I’m prepping dinner.
Now that he is about to turn the big 0-1, I find myself looking back at the past year and missing my teeny-tiny newborn, the baby who would just lie there (in one spot!) and gaze up lovingly at his mama. And I’m wishing for that time back. He is such a big boy now! And he is already learning how to be a friend. (Which mostly involves daily lessons on how we do not bite our friends.) I know any mom who is reading this who has kids even a month older than my boy will quickly jump in with the fact that time only goes faster from here on out. The mom with all of her kids all grown up and moved out on their own will tell me to treasure these years because you never get them back. I know all of this. But why do I constantly switch between wanting to fast forward or rewind life?
I was reading from 1 Timothy the other day and came upon a scripture that I have read a hundred times. “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” I don’t know why, but it actually sunk in this time. Being content and satisfied with the now is my decision. I can’t stop time. I can’t go back. I can’t fast forward. But I can live and enjoy now. Being 27 is the best. Being married for two and a half years is the best. Having a one year old is the best. They are all the best for me right now because I am 100 percent sure that I am exactly where I am meant to be and exactly who I am meant to be right now. And I am content. That doesn’t mean that I won’t grow and change. I will. Next year I will be 28. And soon I will have been married for three years and not long after that have a two year old boy. And time will go on. But right now- I choose to be satisfied with my life. And it feels pretty good.